Yes I will marry you….

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.

Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!

It’s you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!


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23 T-Shirts To Ditch On A First Date

This is it – the first date! But before you throw on your trusted T-shirt that’s seen you through trips to the pub and many mooching weekends, think about the message it’s sending out.

Here are some you might want to avoid…

Nice attitude, pal! Cafepress

Want to get lucky? Now the whole pub knows Zazzle

Who doesn't? Zazzle

If only you were hot and pert, you really would be Noisebot

'I'm a loser in love and not afraid to show it' Awesome

'I'm at rock bottom' Spreadshirt

'I'd much rather talk about myself' Spreadshirt

'Hi, I'm Barry Scott...' Spreadshirt

Two words: Tiger Woods Zazzle

No one will be getting that close Awesome

It's 2011, get with the programme Dailymash

Trust us, your date would rather win the lottery Spreadshirt

You'd be surprised Cafepress

I'm the wrong side of 35 and looking to find me a baby father Cafepress

Been through a few... and still going! Zazzle

'I wanna be like Katie Price' Cafepress

No, you're a nerd Zazzle

Bye bye tonsils Chargrilled

There are more subtle ways to announce your pregnancy Source

'I look for sex at 1.50am' Awesome

No one wants to date Spock Cafepress

Tit jokes on a first date? Not fruity at all... Spreadsheet

This won't make anyone's day Spreadshirt

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Doctor Who Is Dating… Who?

Doctor Who gets racier with each series, but what’s happening in the love lives of the past and present stars of the BBC sci-fi show? We find out…

If you’ve recently dated someone who greets you with ‘Hello sweetie’, chances are, they’re a Dr Who fan. Those are the words the character River Song, played by Alex Kingston, flirtatiously carves into the Home Box to attract the Doctor’s attention.

The current 11th reincarnation of the Time Lord is played by Matt Smith. His romance with his fellow time traveller has gripped viewers, who are eagerly awaiting the second installment of the new series.

We’ve seen the couple kiss, but it is not the first smacker the Doctor has indulged in. Christopher Eccleston, the ninth Doctor, snogged Billie Piper’s character Rose Tyler. Then number 10, David Tennant, raised the temperature by puckering up for Michelle Ryan as Lady Christina de Souza, Piper as Rose (again), Astrid Peth played by Kylie Minogue and even John Barrowman’s Captain Jack Harkness. And Smith was kissed by Amy Pond, played by Karen Gillan, before the River Song shenanigans.

Karen Gillan plays Doctor’s companion Amy Pond


In real life, there have been reports of the actress, 23, being spotted naked in a New York hotel corridor after a night of partying – possibly making her wish the Tardis would arrive to collect her.

Before scriptwriter Russell T Davies revived the show in 2005, there were fewer racier scenes. But unlike the Time Lord – who Smith recently described as ‘asexual’ – the love lives of some of the actors have been as complex as the time-defying plots on the show.

Here’s our pick of the romantic antics of mere humans from Dr Who series new and old:


David Tennant, 40, the 10th Doctor, is engaged to Georgia Moffett (both pictured above), the mother of his child and the real-life daughter of Peter Davison, 60, the fifth Doctor in the 80s. That means Tennant and Moffett’s baby daughter has the Doctor as a dad and a grandad. Weird!


Michelle Ryan played Lady Christina de Souza with David Tennant in a one-off episode, Planet of the Dead. And like a lady, Ryan keeps fairly quiet about her love life. Her reported romance with ex-Footballers’ Wives star Gary Lucy amounted to ‘only three dates when I was 18 – and then I stopped calling him’, she has said. She was, however, engaged to to footballer Tommy Williams but they split in 2007 just before she won the lead role in US series Bionic Woman. The 27-year-old former EastEnders star has worked with other Doctor Who stars - Billie Piper in ITV’s Mansfield Park and Noel Clarke in his film


Paul McGann (above, as the Doctor) played the eighth Doctor in the 1996 BBC film. The 51-year-old was married Annie Milner in 1992 and has two sons, Joe and Jake, with her. He then dated the actress Susannah Harker, who he appeared with in a Doctor Who audio adventure.


Lalla Ward (above, in the series), who played Romana alongside Tom Baker in the 70s, married Baker – the fourth Doctor – but it didn’t last. Now 60, she’s married to evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins who she met through Douglas Adams, a Doctor Who script editor in her day.


Anneke Wills (above), who played Polly in the 60s, had an affair with the entertainer Anthony Newley. She later married Batman actor Michael Gough in 1962, but he was a serial cheat and they divorced. The 69-year-old has remarried twice and lived in California and Canada before returning to the UK in the mid-90s.


Sophie Aldred (above), now 49, played Dorothy Gale ‘Ace’ McShane in the late 80s. She had a relationship with comedian Les Dennis. They met while she was playing Cinders to his Buttons in Hull and he left his first wife for her. Dennis then left her for Amanda Holden, who cheated on him.


Nicola Bryant was Peri Brown in the 80s alongside Doctors Peter Davison and Colin Baker. She married American Broadway singer Scott Kennedy when she was still at drama school. The couple later separated. Now 50, she is in a relationship with Dead Ringers writer and Doctor Who fan Nev Fountain.


Colin Baker (above as the Doctor), 68, married Liza Goddard, his TV wife from 70s TV drama The Brothers. It didn’t last and it has been reported she was staying with her friend Michael Grade when the BBC1 controller had the sixth Doctor sacked in 1986. He now lives with his second wife, actress Marion Wyatt, in Buckinghamshire with their four daughters.


Noel Clarke (above) couldn’t be more different from his character Mickey Smith, the on-off boyfriend of Rose Tyler (Billie Piper) and eventual husband of Martha Jones (Freema Agyeman). He met his wife Iris at the gym where Clarke was once a full-time instructor, and their son Samuel is now two. The 35-year-old, who wrote and directed the films Kidulthood and Adulthood, has commented in the past that his settled personal life makes him less interesting to the media.


Katy Manning, companion Jo Grant in the 70s, made Saturday night TV sexy. After her stint alongside Jon Pertwee, she moved to Australia, and married popular crooning Australian singer Barry Crocker – who sung the original Neighbours theme tune – in 1990 and remains friends with Liza Minnelli. The 64-year-old recently appeared in Doctor Who spin-off The Sarah Jane Adventures with Matt Smith.


Matt Smith, 28, believes the Doctor would prefer a game of chess to any naughtiness in the bedroom. He told Alan Carr on his chat show that the ‘Doc’s idea of an orgy is playing chess with an ostrich. His brain doesn’t work in that way. He would find it weird and peculiar. He finds women peculiar. He is quite asexual.’ In real life, the Bafta award-nominated actor has just moved his model girlfriend Daisy Lowe (both pictured) into his London home. His comment that she has a ‘bum worth squeezing’ proves he doesn’t share the Gallifreyan’s attitude.


Janet Fielding, 57, played loud and gutsy companion Tegan Jovanka in the 80s alongside Tom Baker and Peter Davison. In real life the actress (above with Peter Davison as the fifth Doctor and Mark Strickson as Vislor Turlough) married the Daily Mirror’s foreign editor Nicholas Davies in 1982. They divorced in 1991. She then turned her talents to working as a theatrical agent, representing Paul McGann when he took the role of the eighth Doctor.



Frazer Hines (above with Patrick Troughton as the second Doctor, right), who played Jamie McCrimmon in the 60s, dated Liza Goddard, who was married to Colin Baker, the sixth Doctor. The 66-year-old went on to marry and divorce twice to actress Gemma Craven and waterskiing champion Liz Hobbs.


Alex Kingston’s character River Song was called of ‘sort of the Doctor’s wife’ by the series’ executive producer Russell T Davies. In real life, the 48-year-old (above) split with her second husband, German writer and freelance journalist Florian Haertel, last year. In 1997 she was divorced from actor Ralph Fiennes and she has spoken of feeling totally ‘worthless’ at that time.


Freema Agyeman’s Martha Jones replaced Rose Tyler (Billie Piper) alongside David Tennant’s Doctor. She left his side after a year, unable to bear her unrequited love for the Time Lord. The character eventually married Mickey Smith, Rose’s former boyfriend. Time-travelling boyfriends couldn’t be further from reality for Agyeman, whose real-life estate agent boyfriend James keeps her feet firmly on the ground. She has said: ‘He and my family keep everything in perspective for me.’


Billy Piper secured the part of Rose Tyler in 2005 following her separation from TV presenter Chris Evans, who is 16 years older than her. She was the first companion to be involved in Doctor Who’s racier scenes, but the 28-year-old applied the brakes to her love lie in real life, marrying actor Laurence Fox in 2007. They now have a son, Winston. She remains close friends with co-star David Tennant and appeared in the period drama, Ruby in the Smoke, with Matt Smith, before he was given the part of the Doctor.


Elisabeth Sladen played the part of Sarah Jane Smith with Jon Pertwee in the 70s. Among other credits, her husband, actor Brian Miller, 70, appeared in Doctor Who in the 80s and provided Dalek voices a few years later. Their daughter Sadie Miller has appeared in Doctor Who audio plays. Sladen died of cancer earlier this year.

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Celebrities Raised By Single Parents

There is still a lot to celebrate about lone parenting, as JK Rowling discovered on TV this week. But the Harry Potter author isn’t its only success story. Check out our feelgood list of the great, good and famous raised by one parent – it includes new X Factor judges Tulisa Contostavlos and Kelly Rowland, two US presidents, Lance Armstrong and Jarvis Cocker.

It was great timing from JK Rowling… less than a week before lone-parent families were being blamed for the riots and looting that blew up in English towns and cities, the novelist appeared on TV discovering she descends from a long line of women who raised children on their own.

The Harry Potter author – now thought to be worth half a billion pounds – traced her French roots for BBC ancestry show Who Do You Think You Are?.

JK Rowling comes from a long line of single mothers.


She found her great-grandmother, Lizzie, her great-great-grandmother, Salomé, and her great-great-great-grandmother, Christine, were single parents. Her maternal grandmother, Louisa, was also believed to have been born out of wedlock.

‘What I’m very struck by is how many single mothers I’m descended from in this line of the family,’ she said on the show. ‘Twenty years ago, I was teaching and writing in my spare time and was very skint. And not long after that, I became a single mum, so I feel the connection.’

Prime Minister David Cameron responded to the riots by saying it was about time the country confronted its ‘slow-motion moral collapse’ adding the stinging rebuke that ‘children without fathers’ contributed to it.

But single parent charity Gingerbread, which boasts Rowling as its president, disagreed.

Director of policy Caroline Davey said: ‘It’s depressing to see old stereotypes being trotted out, with some commentators opting to blame single parents and family breakdown for last week’s riots. There are 1.9million single parents bringing up around 3million children and the vast majority are doing a great job, which is why single parents tell us they find it so frustrating that they’re still being stigmatised in this way.’

Rowling, 46, now a mother of three and married to her second husband, Neil Murray,  famously wrote her first book about the young wizard while on benefits caring for her daughter in Edinburgh. She was also battling depression.

She has said: ‘Women like me… were, according to popular myth, a prime cause of social breakdown, and in it for all we could get: free money, state-funded accommodation, an easy life. Between 1993 and 1997 I did the job of two parents, qualified and then worked as a secondary school teacher, wrote one and a half novels and did the planning for a further five. For a while, I was clinically depressed. To be told, over and over again, that I was feckless, lazy — even immoral — did not help.’

If, like Rowling, you are fed up with single parents getting the blame, take a look at this lot of talented, inspirational, successful, charismatic and downright beautiful people who have one thing in common – they were all raised by one parent.

Tulisa Contostavlos’s musician parents separated when she was nine. The new X Factor judge and N-Dubz singer then became a carer for her mother who was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder. Now 23, she has spoken of growing up in Camden Town, north London, and her depression and suicide attempts as a teenager as ‘really hard, but I’m not sad about my life’.

Tulisa Contostavlos, a new X Factor judge.


Barack Obama’s father left his mother when the US president was just three. Obama Sr returned to his native Kenya and visited his son only once, in 1971, before he died in a car crash in 1982. The 50-year-old had an unsettled childhood with his mother’s second husband relocating them to Indonesia when Obama was a boy before he went to live with his grandparents in Hawaii. He went on to university and Harvard Law School before becoming US president in 2005.

Barack Obama’s father left his mother when the US president was just three.

Bill Clinton’s father died in a car crash three months before the former US president was born. He was sent to live with his grandparents while his mother studied nursing in New Orleans. His mother then married a car dealer and they moved to Arkansas in 1950. But Clinton, 65, has said he remembers his stepfather as a gambler and an alcoholic who regularly abused his mother and half brother. Clinton was elected US president in 1993 and left office eight years later with the highest end-of-office approval rating despite being impeached over a scandal with an intern.

Bill Clinton’s father died in a car crash three months before the former US president was born.

Julia Roberts’ parents divorced when she was five and her father died of cancer five years later but the 43-year-old went on to become one of Hollywood’s highest paid actresses, making her name in Pretty Woman in 1990 and winning best actress Oscar for Erin Brockovich in 2000. She is one of the most successful actresses in terms of box office receipts.

Julia Roberts, the most successful actress in terms of box office receipts.


Angelina Jolie was raised by her mother following her parents’ divorce when she was a baby. She has admitted to a difficult relationship with her father and was estranged from him for years. The 36-year-old has spoken about self-harming and depression when she was a teenager. She appeared in many films before winning the best supporting actress Oscar for 1999 film Girl, Interrupted. Divorced from actors Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton, Jolie lives with actor Brad Pitt and their three adopted children and three biological children.

Oscar-winning actress Angelina Jolie.


Kelly Rowland’s mother left her father, an alcoholic, when the X Factor judge was seven. A year later she won a place in a girl group alongside Beyoncé Knowles. With Michelle Williams, they later formed Destiny’s Child and have sold more than 60million records worldwide.

Kelly Rowland, singer with Destiny`s Child, has sold more than 60million records.


Guy Pearce, 43, lost his air force test pilot father in an accident when he was nine. Six years previously, his mother had moved him from Cambridgeshire to Australia to run a deer farm. We first noticed him as Mike in Aussie soap Neighbours and now he is known for his starring roles in cult films Memento, LA Confidential and The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert to name but a few.

Guy Pearce went from Ausssie soap Neighbours to renowned film star.


Barbra Streisand lost her father when she was two, leaving her mother struggling to make ends meet in 1940s New York. While still a teenager Streisand, now 69, became a nightclub singer before becoming a global phenomenon and one of the few entertainers who have won an Oscar, Emmy, Grammy, and Tony Award.

Barbra Streisand has won an Oscar, Emmy, Grammy and Tony Award.


Tom Cruise was beaten by his father who he has since described as a bully, coward and ‘a merchant of chaos’. But his mother didn’t leave him until the Hollywood star was 12. The family moved around a lot and Cruise, 43, was bullied at the 15 schools he attended. He made his name in Generation X film Top Gun and is now a global superstar with a well documented interest in the Kabbalah religion.

Global superstar Tom Cruise has starred in movies such as Top Gun.


Christina Aguilera‘s parents split when she was seven and she lived with her mother and sister her grandma’s house in Pennsylvania. She has told Rolling Stone magazine that her success was the result of her abusive father: ‘I think the reason that my drive was so strong and I was so passionate about music was because I grew up in an environment of domestic violence.’ She later sang about the experience in her songs, I’m OK and Oh Mother. She is dedicated to her charity work and is the second top-selling single artist of the 2000s behind Madonna. Now 30, she is a single mother herself to son Max after her divorce from Jordan Bratman last year.

Christina Aguilera is now a single mother herself.


Demi Moore’s father left her mother before the actress was born. Although her mother remarried, the family moved around 40 times. Her parents were alcoholics and often beat each other. When she turned 16, she dropped out of school in LA and became an actress making her name in St Elmo’s Fire in 1985 and Ghost in 1990. The 48-year-old has three daughters with the actor Bruce Willis and is now married to toyboy Ashton Kutcher.

Demi Moore has three daughters with actor Bruce Willis and is now married to Ashton Kutcher.


Alicia Keys, 30, was raised by her mother in the Hell’s Kitchen area of New York City. She started to play the piano at the age of seven. Her debut album, Songs in A Minor, was a commercial success selling more than 12million copies worldwide and in 2001, she became the best-selling new artist and best-selling R&B artist of 2001.

Alicia Keys grew up with her mother in Hell’s Kitchen, New York City.


Lance Armstrong’s father left his mother when he was two. His mother went on to marry and divorce three times and Lance still refuses to meet his birth father. After the US road-racing cyclist, 39, was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 1996, he underwent extensive surgery and chemotherapy then  won the Tour De France for a record seven consecutive years from 1999.

Lance Armstrong won the Tour De France for a record seven consecutive years.


Ashley Walters was raised by his mother in Peckham, south-east London. He became famous as part of rap group So Solid Crew and was jailed for carrying a loaded gun. After his release the 29-year-old, also known as Asher D, reinvented himself as an actor and has appeared in BBC drama Hustle. He has spoken publicly in glowing terms of the job his mother did bringing him up.

Ashley Walters is in the BBC drama, Hustle.


Halle Berry‘s parents divorced when she was four and was, with her sister, cared for solely by their mother. The Bond girl, 45, has not heard from her father since he left and has said she is not aware if he is alive. Berry won the best actress Oscar for Monster’s Ball in 2001, the only woman of African-American descent to do so, as of 2011.

Halle Berry`s parents divorced when she was just four.


Pierce Brosnan lived his first 12 years in County Louth, Ireland, largely brought up by his grandparents after his father abandoned the family and his mother moved to London to work as a nurse. The James Bond actor has said he admires his mother’s ‘courageous’ step to build a better life. After Brosnan’s grandparents died he lived with an aunt and uncle then a woman named Eileen before the now 58-year-old moved to Scotland to live with his mother and her new husband.

Pierce Brosnan says he admires his mother`s courageous step to build a better life.


Jodie Foster’s father left his wife in LA before the actress was born. Her first film role was in the 1970 TV movie Menace on the Mountain before her notorious appearance in Taxi Driver in 1976 as a pre-teen prostitute, a role for which she won a best supporting actress Oscar nomination. The 48-year-old won Oscars for The Accused in 1989 and The Silence of the Lambs in 1991.

Jodie Foster won Oscars for The Accused and Silence of the Lambs.


John Lennon’s father was an often-absent merchant sailor and his mother died when he was 17. As a child, the Beatle was handed into the care of his aunt before his father took him to live in Blackpool. His mother visited, forcing the five-year-old to choose between his parents, which resulted in a 20-year gap before he saw his father again. He returned to his aunt and uncle who fuelled his imagination with short stories. Lennon wrote and performed many songs with The Beatles, the band which has sold more records than any other, before he was murdered in New York City in 1980.

John Lennon’s father was an often-absent merchant sailor .


Madonna lost her mother to breast cancer and her Italian father raised six children in Bay City, Michigan, on his own. After her father remarried the young Madonna developed a rebellious streak and she moved to New York City to study dance. Now 53, she has sold more than 300million records worldwide and is recognised as the world’s top-selling female recording artist of all time by Guinness World Records.

Madonna lost her mother to breast cancer when she was a child.


Jarvis Cocker was brought up in Sheffield by his mother from the age of seven after his father left the family and moved to Sydney, severing all contact with his son. The Pulp frontman, 47, went on to study art before the band’s album His ‘n’ Hers became a hit in 1994. Pulp were one of the main players in the Britpop movement of the 1990s. Cocker now hosts his own show on BBC 6 Music.

Jarvis Cocker`s father moved to Sydney when he was seven.


Russell Brand’s parents split when he was six months old and the star has described his Essex childhood as isolated and lonely. When he was eight, his mother was diagnosed with cancer and Brand went to stay with relatives while she was treated. He has battled eating disorders and addiction and has confessed to a strange relationship with his father who he didn’t see regularly. The 36-year-old found fame presenting a Big Brother spin-off and is making inroads in Hollywood, where he lives with his wife, the US pop singer Katy Perry.

Russell Brand’s parents split when he was six months old.


Al Pacino’s parents divorced when he was two and the youngster and his mother moved to the South Bronx in New York City to live with his grandparents. His father moved to California. Despite starting to smoke at nine and drink alcohol and use marijuana at 13, The Godfather actor, 71, battled to become make his name in films and in 1992 won a best actor Oscar for Scent of a Woman.

Al Pacino, Oscar-winning actor and star of The Godfather trilogy.


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Protect your family from online predators has collated information from leading charities and organisations to keep your children safe while you search for love

‘Research shows that children are more likely to be sexually abused by someone they know.’ Parents will find this statement from child protection charity Kidscape alarming – particularly those who have plucked up the courage to start looking for love.

Indeed, recent statistics make grim reading. The NSPCC revealed in May that the number of reports of child abuse in England and Wales in 2009-10 had increased by 8 per cent in a year. More than 23,000 offences – including rape, incest and gross indecency – were logged. And the UK’s national centre for child protection – the Child Exploitation and Online Protection (CEOP) – reported its highest yearly figures of child sex offender arrests in the past year. A total of 513 arrests were made, but that means 414 children were safeguarded, the agency said.

Its chief executive Peter Davies told the BBC Radio 4Today programme that the number of online victims was increasing. ‘There’s more harm going on on the internet… this is an immense problem,’ he said. The NSPCC’s Jon Brown urged ‘everyone to be vigilant and report any concerns they have about a child’.

Peter Davies (CEOP) “This is an immense problem”

So how easy is it to spot a predator?
‘The caricature of the “evil paedophile”portrayed in the media really doesn’t help. If you think about it, what child would trust such a frightening character or allow someone like that to get close to them?’ says the Churches’ Child Protection Advisory Service(CCPAS). ‘Sex offenders are, in other respects, ordinary people just like anyone else.’
So a cautious approach to a new relationship is always best, says Simon Bass, CCPAS’s chief executive officer.

He explains: ‘Paedophiles will use every method available and a good form of communication is the internet. That happens with children through to adults on dating sites. It’s more likely an adult will fall victim.’ Because single parents often feel lonely, it can make them more vulnerable to advances by sex offenders. A social worker, who works with sexually abused children, says appearing confident and independent can help deter predators.
She told ‘It’s a tricky area. Keeping yourself protected is not coming across as being on your own. Paedophiles target single parents who are isolated so they won’t bother if they know the father is on the scene. Even if there isn’t a father, lie to begin with.
‘If someone is trying to exploit you, they are looking for an easy target. They are looking for vulnerable, lonely parents. Come across as strong and confident.’
Kidscape recommends protecting your children by explaining to them the difference between ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’ secrets.
It says: ‘A secret about a birthday party is OK, but no one should ever ask them to keep kisses or touches a secret.’ It adds: ‘Most paedophiles are not strangers. Tell children that is anyone, even someone they know, touches them in a confusing or frightening way, they should tell you.’

If you do suspect someone is a sex offender, there is a way of finding out if they have a criminal record through Sarah’s Law, which allows police to release details on request. Named after Sarah Payne, who was kidnapped and murdered by convicted sex offender Roy Whiting in 2000, the Child Sex Offender Disclosure Scheme, as it is officially known, was piloted across four police forces from September 2008. Now all 43 police forces across England and Wales take part.

Sara Payne pioneered ‘Sarah`s Law’

Anyone who is worried about someone who has contact with their child can ask officers to check if the person has a record of abusing children. Since its introduction, 111 sex offenders have been exposed as the direct result of inquiries, it was reported recently. But criminologist and child protection expert Mark Williams-Thomas believes Sarah’s Law is partially flawed.
‘Just because somebody hasn’t got have a conviction, doesn’t mean that they are not a risk,’ he says. ‘What we know is that a large majority of offenders who are caught for the first time have been offending for many, many years. I don’t want the public to assume that that means the individual’s safe.’

Although all parents must do what they can to protect their family, it is worth noting that child sex abuse is relatively uncommon, with fewer than one in every 500 youngsters affected.
So the fear of bringing a predator into your home should not put you off looking for love online, particularly when the number of single-parent households in Britain stands at 23 per cent, or 1.9million single parents. That’s a lot of potential new partners – just be sensible, careful and take it slow.

NSPCC advice on keeping your child

Help your child understand about sex, about his or her body and about what is sexually healthy. Be as positive as possible – children should feel proud of their bodies and not ashamed.
Talk to your child about sexual matters. It is important that you also know what is appropriate sexual behaviour as children grow older and become adolescents.
Help with sex education. Talking about sexual matters is normal but if you feel embarrassed, your health visitor or doctor should be happy to advise you. Or why not ask your child’s teacher for advice about talking to your child at home? Build an open and trusting relationship with your children from when they are very young. Explain the difference between good and bad secrets. Teach your child they have the right to refuse to do anything they feel is wrong or that frightens them. Stress that they should not hesitate to tell you or another adult if something happens they don’t like.

(This is an extract from the National Society for the Protection of Children’s advice leaflet, Protecting Children From Sexual Abuse. You can download it at

NSPCC advice on spotting paedophiles

Abusers often build up a close relationship with a family through friendship or marriage. They may befriend hard-pressed parents who are having difficulties coping with their children.

Single-parent families are particularly at risk of this kind of approach. It is impossible to describe a typical sexual abuser or paedophile. They do not look different to other people and they behave in a variety of ways.
They are found in all areas of society and can come from any professional, racial or religious background. Contrary to the popular image, people who sexually abuse children often appear kind, concerned and caring towards children. This is part of building a close relationship with children, which allows them to abuse without being suspected or discovered.

(This is an extract from the National Society for the Protection of Children’s advice leaflet, Protecting Children From Sexual Abuse. You can download it at

Where to turn to for support:
If a child is at immediate risk, dial 999.
If you suspect someone of child sex abuse, contact your local social service department or police force.
Kidscape, 08451 205204,
see the advice leaflet, Help! Someone I Care About May Be a Sex Offender at

CCPAS (Churches’ Child Protection Advisory
Service, 0845 120 4550,, –

NSPCC, 0808 800 5000,, it Now!,
0808 1000 900,,, 0800 1111,

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“Sex, lies and dating profiles”

When people write their CV, many people tend to exaggerate their skills and qualities. For example, ‘I interact well with others, am extremely pro-active’ blah blah blah. Because they are not visible attributes, the fibs are difficult to detect.

Two United States psychologists, Günter J. Hitsch from the University of Chicago Booth School of Business and Ali Hortacsu from the University of Chicago Dept of Economics, decided to test how honest people were when they shared information through dating sites and whether people adapt their profiles to use what they perceive as the most desirable answers (Titled What Makes You Click – Mate Preferences in Online Dating).

After analysing data from 20,000 dating profiles, they first noticed online daters were taller, slimmer, better looking and a lot richer than the national average (at least that’s how they described themselves).

More than 4 per cent of online daters claimed to earn over $200,000 (£123,000) a year when, typically, less than 1 per cent of internet users actually earn that much. This suggests at least three out of the four are lying.

When it came to weight, women were undoubtedly the biggest fibbers. The study found in general, females claimed to be around 20lbs lighter – thank goodness for Photoshop! Men were more honest and their internet dating weights came within the national average.

Amazingly, 72 per cent of women claimed to be above average in the looks department – with 24 per cent claiming to be very attractive.

Men also claimed to be gorgeous – with 68 per cent saying they were above average and 19 per cent opting for very attractive.

All this begs the question: are they blatant fibbers or do they see themselves differently?

We can see both genders changed their answers, modifying them to what they perceive to be the most important attributes for a potential partner.

Women understand men are more generally attracted to visible attributes so body size, hair colour and other physical details were changed.

Men, on the other hand, feel woman are searching for security and they understand women generally prefer taller partners so they are more likely to embellish their height and earnings.

Men tend to avoid women on low incomes but what was also discovered is that females with a high income also receive fewer messages which indicates men find high earning woman threatening.

No one can hide physical shortcomings and at some point they will actually have to meet a date – let’s be honest, if these were company adverts they could be prosecuted for false advertising!

By far the biggest way to attract few responses on a dating website is to post a profile without a picture. On average, members with a profile picture get 40 per cent more emails than one without.

This means a balding, overweight, low paid and not very attractive male has a better chance than a handsome, $200,000 income guy who doesn’t upload a photo because people suspect any member without a photo is either very unattractive or has something to hide (a wife?).

Trying to find the love of your life is difficult enough. If people join a non-specific dating site which caters for all demographics, 56 per cent of men will never receive a single email. That figure drops to 21 per cent for women.

When members join a specific dating site such as parent dating, email responses rose significantly for both genders. This shows dating sites such as those for parents, specific religions or a particular sexual orientation provide people with a better chance of finding a partner.

By Nigel Woodforth

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Beware of partners bearing gifts

Millions of pounds are spent each year on gifts for  loved ones but many partners miss a trick, gifts, if analyzed correctly can tell you whether he is blissfully happy and ready to seal the deal or if she’s about kick you into touch for a new jockey.

The best time to analyze a gift for a hidden meaning is Christmas. One thing to remember, if your relationship has lasted till mid November your probably safe till January even if your partner spends the evenings ramming pins in your effigy. Finishing with someone over the Christmas period results in a verbal stoning from the family who will no doubt remind them of your qualities which will make mother Theresa look like a fallen woman caught smoking in a crack den.

Gift for her

This year you will probably be guessing at a lovely piece of jewellery or that balloon ride with champagne that you kept hinting about, or even a surprise holiday in the sun, so your expectations are high right! So when he gives you flowers from the local BP or some Nivea face cream you know your days are numbered, maybe using his razors and stuffing the shelves with Tampons has about killed the romance for him so expect an eviction request come January.

If he doesn’t say it with flowers then you can guess what he’s saying with this stylish balaclava.

By Nigel Woodforth

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Easy ways to spot a scammer

After reading an article today where a widow Dena White was scammed out of £50k while trying to find love online I thought it is my duty to inform people who register with online dating 4 easy ways to spot a scammer.

I have been working with dating sites such as and more, manually check each new member and reject any profile with the slightest indication of a scammer, sadly not all Dating sites for Parents do this and this is the first line of defence against scammers.

Scammers are very resourceful and even by checking every new member does not guarantee a complete scammer free Parent dating site but if you follow the 4 basic guidelines below and keep your hard earned cash in the bank then you’ll be fine.

Scammers do target Single Parent Dating sites and there are basic patterns which you can spot which will indicate a scammers, if you suspect a scammer then you should email your dating site and inform them, they can check their profile and messages and contact any other members they may have been contacting.

1. Different People

When you start exchanging messages do you notice major changes in grammar, scamming can be a very organized setup and use multiple people to reply to messages, sometimes you may get an indication you are talking to a different person, they reply quickly (within 15 mins) no matter when you send the message.

2. Very Affectionate

If the replies to your emails seem a little vague and non descript this may indicate the person is copying generic replies rather than individual responses, they may also be overly affectionate and declare their strong feelings for you early in the exchanges and supply an external email address in the early exchanges.

3. The Profile Pic

In my experience scammers load pictures that grab their target audience i.e. for the Single Mothers we have seen many American soldiers sometimes cuddling a puppy or eating Ben and Jerry’s ice cream also professional photos trying to look amateurish with a blurred backgrounds so the focus is on the subject only, generally if the person looks to good to be true they generally are.

4. The SOB Story.

Sooner or later you will get a sob story this will quickly escalate into an emergency, they will require funds and ask you to cash a cheque, transfer funds or simply request cash, it may be a life and death situation or money required to visit you, the request for money may take a while as they will work on gaining trust first, DO NOT send cash, transfer any funds or cash any cheques no matter how sad the story.

Please don’t get put off by using Single Parent Dating sites as the vast majority of people on these sites are looking for love the same as you and many have found their perfect partners, simply look for the signs above and never send money then you should have a great experience and hopefully find love as many people do.

By Nigel Woodforth

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How to find your pedigree chum with

Most people want a partner who’s the cat’s whiskers, but news that female pet owners like their partners just like their animals came as a surprise to us here at Towers.

Apparently, they tend to look for loyalty, affection and dependability in a loved one ahead of good looks, humour and confidence preferred by people who aren’t such fervent animal lovers.

More than two-thirds of women told Blue Cross animal charity they looked for the same qualities in a long-term partner as their pets.

Obviously, they’re not bad qualities but the worrying news came when younger pet owners said they looked skin (or fur) deep when choosing a pet. We’re sure their choices must unwittingly seep into the all-important choice of partner.

So here we bring you the dangers of picking pets and partners by looks alone. We asked some of our female single parents who are looking for dates for help in matching these much-loved dogs to some well-known faces.

Marty Feldman has the face only his mother could love and had a fear of water; Pudsey is either bracing himself for a dip or just sat on something extremely sharp.

Nick Nolte was arrested in 2002 with date rape drug GHB in his system but had no recollection of actually being raped, that’s GHB for you, the question should be why would anyone wish to, the pup scrubbed up nicely though.

Tom has dated many gorgeous actresses and married three including Mimi Rogers, he then announced his love for his latest squeeze and now wife Katie Holmes by jumping on the sofa while on the Oprah Winfrey show, what a jerk! the press nicknamed him the TomKat, he’s more like a dirty dog.

Actor Steve Buscemi got into a bar room brawl in 2001 helping his good friend and fellow actor Vince Vaughn, poor old Pudsey also looks like he`s taken a few dry slaps in his time.

Ronaldo once voted the best footballer in the world was separated at birth from this hound named Duke. Ronaldo may have fantastic ball control but apparently Duke also has great ball control and the cleanest balls around.

Stare at this dogs arse hard enough you can see an image of Jesus. Stare at Simon Cowell he’s still just an arse.

By Goodwin

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